4 Ways to Cope with Loneliness During Social Distancing and Beyond
by Charlotte Myers
Whether you are suffering from chronic illness, a recent breakup or the restrictions of a global pandemic, feelings of loneliness can creep in without any regard for your preparedness. Regardless of whether we are physically by ourselves, many of us experience loneliness at some point in our lives.
As the world takes on this public health challenge, we find ourselves forced into distance. Sometimes the necessary actions that protect our physical health can have adverse effects on our mental health. Just like this pandemic, we are not always equipped with the right tools to tackle feelings of loneliness. Fortunately, we have ways to stay connected and support one another through trying times.
I am fortunate enough to be physically healthy, but I have recently gained some first-hand insight into heartbreak and social isolation. Similar to chronic illness, these are the types of storms that we can’t predict, yet they surge into our lives wreaking havoc. Usually, we cannot control when our storms hit or their destructive power, but we can control the actions we take to pick up, reassemble, and maintain the structure of our broken pieces.
Weathering the Storm
A storm of this magnitude hit me not too long ago, and I am currently collecting the parts of my life that have been shattered and scattered. I have simultaneously been gobsmacked by feelings of loneliness as my daily life has changed and feelings of gratitude for the people in my life who remind me how not alone I really am. As the COVID-19 pandemic rages across continents and local governments around the world recommend their citizens to shelter in place, I am likely not alone in my feelings of loneliness.
Full disclosure, I have no intention of assuming a parallel between my temporary reality of heartbreak and isolation to the life of those who suffer from chronic illness. Rather, I would like to take this opportunity to salute those who are not as disheveled by the current status of the world because this is unfortunately not too far from their norm. Perhaps we can learn from those with experience, and in doing so, develop a stronger sense of appreciation for what they go through day after day, year after year.
Physical distance from others and unanswered questions about the future can leave us feeling overwhelmed and alone. Changes to our daily routines and social lives do the same. The state of the world makes it easy to feel stuck. As I have lived through the recent changes in my life, I have taken note of some of the things I have done and the advice I’ve heeded that have helped me feel less alone, stronger, and more fulfilled.
Explore Your Own Happiness
It is important in times like this to think about the things that make us happy. There is no shame in taking the time to acknowledge feelings of sadness or loneliness. In fact, it is important to do so. Where we go wrong, though, is by not taking even more time to reflect on what we can do on our own to feel good. I have found that turning the things I enjoy doing into regular solo activities has allowed me to show appreciation for myself, my interests and my abilities.
I find this outlet of happiness in solo activities that I can do at home or outside. For me, this includes cooking new things, exercising, listening to podcasts, decorating my apartment, or creating a new playlist (and singing to it terribly while doing these other things).***See the end of this blog for my recommendations***
For me, these are things that make me feel good and that I really like to do for myself. Of course, that feeling of self-appreciation comes from different sources for everyone. Maybe for you, it comes in the form of books, video games, art, or engineering. Whatever it is, thinking about what fuels your happiness, and then giving yourself the time and space to do those things will bring joy to your days.
Try Something New
Flying solo is great, but sometimes it is hard to stay motivated without a schedule or companions. This is when it may be worthwhile to consider taking on a new responsibility or joining a fun group. There are various existing options to become a member of a community. For some, it may be appealing to find an online side hustle, volunteer for the efforts of COVID-19 (or any cause that resonates with you), or join an online class. SetApp has a useful list of online classes that are offered for free during COVID-19.
Recently, I found myself desiring something more fulfilling to compliment my daily life. I added value to my life in the form of a super cool internship with a startup that works toward a cause that I care about (you guessed it, the internship is with Endometrix)! Especially now, when my personal life looks dramatically different than it did six months ago, I could not be more grateful to have this new and exciting gig doing something that makes me feel good.
If you think an internship would suit you, sites like Graduate Land and Glassdoor make it easier to browse what is available and allow you to filter based on your interests and skill set.
Not only have I found something I can do remotely that provides me with more structure while I spend a lot of time at home, but I have also found meaningful tasks that keep me busy and digitally surround me with people who provide value and a sense of community. Finding an outlet through an organized and purposeful use of my time has helped me feel surrounded and valued, and it could do the same for you!
Various programs have been made accessible during this time. In Sweden, like in many places, databases like Corona Hjälpen have been created to connect those who would like to help those in need. The world is your library, start browsing!
Call for Backup
When busy hands aren’t enough to settle a restless mind, it may be time to find strength in numbers. Establishing or maintaining contact with the people in your life who you care about and who return that sentiment can go a long way in making you feel surrounded, whether those individuals are near or far.
I have found that when I am missing someone’s company, simply reaching out to see how they are doing instantly makes me feel like part of a community. Sometimes, in the moments when the need for someone to initiate contact pours in, it feels easier to let the Netflix episodes just keep rolling. But I have found that pressing pause (on the show and on my own sense of helplessness), and taking it upon myself to call or text a friend provides immediate relief.
Sometimes it feels like an effort to initiate a catching-up or a debrief, especially if it has been a while, but there is a great chance of sunshine on the other side. If you do not have go-to people or you are ready to let new relationships bloom, there are ways to contact communities of people on social media and through online discussion forums. Facebook is a common platform for online groups and has this awesome community open to those impacted by endometriosis in Sweden.
Regardless of who your people are, try supporting others; reaching out to support them keeps your connection strong and makes them more likely to check in with you first next time. Talking to people who are weathering the same storm, or who can be our flotation device as we battle to stay afloat, enables us to be empowered as a community. There is no shame in calling for backup, and I am learning more every day just how much strength is rooted in vulnerability.
Storms Don’t Last Forever
We all experience periods of loneliness, and some of us may feel more clouds throughout our days than others. Right now, people around the world are dealing with some degree of shift in their routine. We need to be able to acknowledge whatever emotions arise as a consequence of these changes. However, let’s not allow the negative ones to consume us. No matter your battle, remember that there are some things you remain in control over and this storm you are weathering will not last forever. We can’t have a rainbow without any rain.
Spread your sunshine, and take care!
***My Go-To’s for Finding Happiness in Each Day***
Food: For those of you who also enjoy food, Minimalist Baker is my favorite site for new finds in the kitchen.
Exercise: I like to get creative with my workouts and make up my own circuits, but Blogilates is one of my favorite pages for a quick burner that can be done anywhere. My favorite workout is her Bad Guy Booty burner.
Podcasts: I love to learn about nutrition and lifestyle, and I have a lot of fun while listening to the Plant Proof Podcast. Simon Hill is the host of the show who covers a variety of areas with all kinds of specialists, but he maintains a focus on whole-food plant-based nutrition.
Music: Mood Booster is a playlist on Spotify that I am loving right now. It makes me feel good about everything except for my singing abilities.